When will the weather be fine??

凌在一次偶然的機會下 , 向文道出她自小的志願 : “ 我要成為出色的新聞工作者 .” 那天是在學期最後一課導修後 兩人一起討論兒童心理學論文時凌說出來的 . 因為那時學校大部份同學己已完所有的考試 , 圖書館前的咖啡室只有 她們二個人 , 天氣和暖 , 凌就這樣說起一些工課以外的話題 . 文有點不好意思地問 : “ 這個主意很好 , 不過 ….. 你一定要改用一個死更精細的助聽器 …. 你明白嗎 ? 我跟你說話時不會太快 , 可是陌生人不一定會明白呢 .” 凌想了一想 , 就笑了一下便算 . 她內心世界是比一般人更敏感 , 只要想一想 , 這點不難理解 . 她是先天失聰 , 小時侯她便學會用心去聽別人的話 , 去聽別人的反應 . 要不是 , 她有一個很要好的姑姐在政府內工作 , 她是沒有機會由心光上課的轉到文法中學的 . 人就是這樣 , 越做不到便越想去做 , 她姑姐常常問她 ：“ 做記者是要和很多人做訪問 , 這是行不通的 , 報社是不會給失聰人士做採訪的 , 何不去做一些物理治療師這些專業？既可幫人，也可自助．學土課程現在一般都很全面，物理治療都可以選些文學課．．．”老一輩總是比較穩陣．但在凌“聽”起來，就是一些不解人情，叫人洩氣的話．年青人始終比較反伴，這個性格也也好，起碼凌是班裹最用功的一個．好明顯她就是要用力證自己有用，可以做自己想做的一件事． 這只不過是一般人看見的所謂她的內心世界，其實，什麼原因令她想去做新聞記者？凌從來沒有對別人說過，就連姑姐亦沒有．那當然，這個職業志願的論題上，凌和姑姐是最敵對的． 凌把她的咖啡一口渴完，十二元的黑咖啡是凌的致愛．之後，凌便向文說出為何自己想當新聞工作者，文心裡是很喜歡凌的，但是他不知何以啟齒，凌當然明白，她最善長的是聽別人的心嗎！文最想不到的，完來凌想當新聞工作者的原因，是因為她的一個夢，凌在夢裹，是可以聽到自己說話，手拿著ｍｉｃ，去採訪些完全不認識的人．凌最開心的，不是去聽別人說話，而是聽自己說話時的聲音．其實文不明白她的夢和做記者有什麼關係，但是，當他聽到凌對他說這些心底話時，他其實已經興奮得想跳起來！ 很自然地，凌和文就越走越近，二人開始約會和談情起來．那天是一個陽光柔和的一個星期四下午，咖啡坐只有她們二人，和一排咖啡色的木枱，一排咖啡色的長椅． htt...

I can't imagine my wedding day will be so unforgettable. This is a miracle! Friends, Guests, come to me with a smiling face. I feel so happy when I see them smile. But, 12 hours earlier, I was sitting at Raymond's home and was feeling so depress. What a big contrast! I really feel that I have done something in my life. I really feel that I have completed something in my life.

From time to time, I am moving on and stuck. Friend, your words are really reminding me. Reminding me to be tough and strong. I don't think I am that tough, strong and brave. Why I am over 30 and still need some many improvement? Life is not easy at all or I have to much un reachable aims? I always question myself. No matter how I perform or behave, friend, you are really trying to set me in the right direction and give a large tolerance for my bad behavior. I have set many aims, resolutions, targets, rules, etc. for myself. But, what I really want to do for my rest of life is to do what I want to do. To chase my dream. My dream is to be good to Kat. To be good to my friends, to work hard and achieve a financial security, to use my time to learn and understand this world. This world is full of knowledge, a vast amount of knowledge. I do have to respect to knowledge and be serious with it. Learning and then improve is my pleasure. ....Well you came and opened me And now there's ...

I don't know if anyone reading this, even Karson. What had happened last 3 month? - Anaylst Position - Interview with RBS / CS / Lipper. And rejected by all of them. - Prepare Wedding - Moving apartment I finally have a place to live on my own. That's very nice to do so. So, what's next? Prepare the wedding is quite hard for my financial aspect. Moving apartment at the same time is even adding more financial loading for me. I am very lucky to have Kat with me. She share half of that so that I can breath.

Today, I received an offer letter from MSCI. After signing and returning this letter to MSCI, I will become an employee in MSCI Barra. My mind is not really happy, because the offer is not that attractive. But, it is a good starting point anyway. I believe personality, mentality, is the key to fit into i-bank. Skills and knowledge is the tools to work well in the bank. I should happy that I have the "hard-core" skills and certificates. I need to have excellent "soft" skills as well to work in finance industry. The aim to work in finance is to have a smart salary. And it is necessary to take up the responsibility and pressure at the same time in order to have "smart salary". I agree my past and present finance condition is not enough. So, I agree myself heading into the i-bank. That's why. This is a short note to let me remeber what is happened today.

2006年快要為過去。 這一年裹, 我成功天地完成了碩士課程。 更取得了優異的成績。 此是一件對我的將來非常重要的事。我決心要改變自己﹐不論工作上﹐ 生活上﹐ 性格上﹐人際上都要更進一步。我開始我的計劃全因我的心中記着相士的一句话。2006年有一個機會﹐要一定好好把握﹐否則我便要一再平庸過多好幾年。就這樣﹐我定下決心去找出路。在KARSON的建議下﹐我嘗試報讀WARWICK MSC FM。理科始終是我的強項﹐我很快已回服到大學的水平。在家人和KAT的技持下﹐我有幸到英國留學。就這樣﹐我展開了完全不同的人生。英國生活的一年中﹐我非常用心地去求學﹐智識上無疑我已遠遠超越我的已前。但同時我又發現實在太多人比我更有學問﹐思想比我更成熟﹐更獨立﹐志向更堅決。我頓時發覺可前進空間之大﹐此時我又發現自己的渺小﹐自己的志嚮不清﹐自己過去的過失。一切就明明白白的說清我為何到現在一點成就到沒有﹐更明白地說就是大學中畢業後﹐一點成的事到沒做到。回想一下﹐我的生命根本就沒有什麼我可以自滿的事例。反而只有我自以為是﹐常因丁點的聰明而滿以順利。此就是為何我在畢業後的時間﹐沒有了學校的保護下而我完全不能在社會立足。看來我一切的事﹐都沒有好好做!考試可以拿八十分就夠。但社會做事﹐就不可能。社會的競爭大多。而社會亦無升級制度。在2006年﹐我非常有幸地留學英國﹐而我卻有用功的去求學問。然而﹐我還有很多方面還要努力去改善。我的性格上有一點問題﹐而我的外表﹐行為亦有不少問題。最明顯的﹐就是我沒有去改善英語﹐此亦引至我沒有好好準備CV﹐沒有努力去找工作。而我亦因而要回港。另外﹐我的心理素質亦不成﹐在回港之後﹐我發現我的自我行為和投行的FRONTOFFICE員工的行為﹐還有一段距離。此實為重要。而此亦非MSC課程中所能函授。我要不斷磨練自己﹐在言行﹐思想﹐性格﹐這些基本因素中求進步﹐才可以有機會成為業中的一員。 2007年﹐應該是我重點提升自己行為﹐性格﹐思想的一年。我相信只有通過精進自己的內在﹐然後在外在方面才有機會發揮。否則﹐一切眼前的機會﹐只會白廢。我要做到自強不息。以上所言﹐談之易﹐但要做到﹐可期困難。能洞察自己難﹐要明白自己難﹐要自我求進﹐更難。吾一大缺點﹐是說多做少。做之不恆。吾2006下半年所按排﹐少有完成。吾之鬥志﹐以非2004年般強烈。那鬥志﹐只可看成一瞬間的衝動。轉化不了為吾自生...

Tuesday, October 17, 2006 Steve Jobs 去年六月，蘋果電腦的Steve Jobs到Stanford出席畢業典禮並發表演講。 他說了有關他生命的三個故事──「No big deal. Just three stories.」 第一個故事，叫connecting dots. 在大學唸了半年書後，他決定輟學，因為學費太貴，而他也著實看不到那些必修課有什麼價值。 接下來他以旁聽生的身份，在大學裏泡了十八個月，期間他學了不少英文書法。 當時完全不知道學來幹什麼。 直到十年後，他和朋友發明蘋果電腦時，靈機一觸，決定把這些美麗的書法用到電腦裏去，成為我們今天用的Arial，Times New Roman, MS Sans Serif等等。 Steve Jobs說，由於Windows不過在抄Mac，所以如果當年他沒有輟學的話，我們今天就不會在電腦上看見這些秀麗的字體。 有些事，你今天看不到它的意義，但「you have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.」 唯有若干日子後往回看（connecting the dots backward），才看出一切彷彿早有前因。 第二個故事，講他被蘋果攆走。 蘋果電腦由他和朋友在父母的車房裏發明，後來成了獨當一面的企業。 他們請了不少人才回來作管理。但他怎也想不到，公司的董事局其後一致決定要攆走他。 How can you get fired from a company you started? 他當然心有不甘，但想到他仍然深愛他在蘋果所做的一切，他開始抖擻精神，先後成立了NeXT和Pixar兩間公司。 後來蘋果電腦買下了NeXT，...

I have been returned to Hong Kong exactly 32 days. I have visited 3 agents. No formal job interview called. Now I am being a Form 3 Student Tutor as a living. ( only cover a little part of living in fact.) My free time is not very "free" because I am not having much money to spent. Hence, I mainly reading books. I want to learn Linux. It's a bit trouble because I am now self-teaching. Patient. I should have the patient. Looking back my life in UK, It is very meaningful because I have a very clear goal. And this is having a Distinction. Almost, everyday, I work for this goal. Truly and wholeheartly, I should pointing my goal. It makes my life meaningful. Comparing my life now, It is vague, loosely-packed, floating. I don't want to have such a life even for a single day.... ( I have to blame myself speaking more than acting.) I should able to forsee the situation now. I don't suprise what is happening now. Honestly, I create the situation myself, short term reason...

I had return to Hong Kong for 2 weeks. Nothing Major has changed in Hong Kong. Economics seems average. Life in HK looks the same. Within these 2 weeks, I am not working very hard for job hunting. And I am not playing very hard either. Where is my passion? I seems need to pick up my passion again. Today, I went to the library and study. It's now not the same as in UK. UK is a very good place for me to study. I have a single room. I have no TV to watch. I don't have to worry about people may disturb me. I should practise TKD again and having more work out. My stomach is full, very full.

I send my dissertation to the copy shop for soft binding this afternoon 13:45 pm......16.4 GBP. tomorrow 9:00 pm collect. I plan to submit it on tomorrow. Well, I tell Barclays not to go London for another , last meeting. It's too rush for me. Well, wish Peter don't mind about this. Sitting now in front of the computer. I am relaxing a bit. Suddenly, this is quite refresh, i feel little bit seems I am just arrived. Or frankly, I am blank in my mind. I am sure when I was arrived here last year, my mind is full of plan and expectation. Now, my task is done. May be this is why my mind is blank. I am smiling a bit. You may understand why. Don't wanna write too much because I don't want to be too sensational. A smile is enough. By the way, A king's fig boy suicided a few days ago. Silly boy, It's not a responsible at all. Now, your full stop is marked sadly by your parents' tears. And I don't think King's give any pressure to students. Silly boy....... ...

It's now the dawn of Tuesday. 5/9/2006. I am leaving this sunday, 10/9/2006. God, is that your arrangement to send me here and send me back Hong Kong? No matter what is your plan, I will do my part best and drill my self and get through future hurdles in my life. From this year, I learn mathematics application in finance. And I open my eye to learn what is academic. It is not easy to work in academic. I think writing a paper is much more difficult than answering a question, or writing an assignment. This is because we need to define our scope well and define our problems well for a paper. But, an assignment, the question is well well well defined and we are request to write the solution. They are different. anyway, I am going back to a familar place. but, is my coming future familar? Looking forward to seeing it!

A 5 day gliding camp was held in Leicestershire. I am now sitting exhaustedly in front of my computer and writing down my experience. Firstly, I fly again. Although I am not in a Grob and in Aldaide, I fly. Flying a glider is similar to flying a 747, my instructor said. True. The Altiude, the turn, the trim, the circuit, the take off, the cockpit, the rudder, etc. All are similar. Flying is flying. Secondly, I spend a week with Brition. All local english, excepting my instructor who is a Brition but working for Dragon air. May be the god know how I feel and the god wish to give me some compensation to me. He arrange me fly with Rory. And the curry dinner, he almost think I am his collegue and keep talking how a chinese and chinese culture not working well. But, he is absolutely admire my flying. He give me a appaluse in one of the manovuere. God, am I too greedy to think that why this kind of maturity didn't come to me6 years earlier? Never mind, I trust you God. You are my inst...

2 years ago, I was gambling on HSIF ( mini HSIF actually ). Last week, I bought a book from the Noble Price winner R.C. Merton - Continue Time Finance. Frankly, I am very willing to buy it. Although what in my mind is still only want to take a look on the book of a famous prize winner, I am very willing to paid the 35 quids. Once I open the book, I become humble. How can a person can achieve such completeness of a field? After reading the first chapter, I totally agree his ideology on how should the modern finance develop. Very challenging! Even more challenging than flying a Boeing!!! His book is something not easy to understand. May be my english level is still low, but everyone should agree his contribution toward modern finance and his thorough idea about arangement of chapters. From agent's choice, discrete time cases, transit to continue time. Once the agent's choice about portfolio and comsuptions developed, the focus then on the option pricing ( again from discrete towa...

08 May, 2006. 1:00am. I am listening BBC Midland, news at one o'clock. Flourscent light is yellow. smell of grass and the night breeze enter my room reminding me this is the summertime in UK. Only myself remind myself I am living in the year 2006. It's important to remind myself I am in 2006. Religon is something far and close to me. Frankly, I pray somethings. Usually talk to lord when I want to. But, I am not a christian nor catholic, not any religon at all. However, I truely believe in Lord. I watched a documentary about Plastic Surgeory. I saw how doctor do the cracy but smart things to human....use a 1 meter long stainless stell tube to remove fatty issue, use a plastic bag to enlarge the breast, remove some skins at the head, reshape the bone of toes, remove nerve from pennis.....My only comment is how amazing the power of Lord, it is definitely the power of lord to recover human body. Docotor is only doing the jobs under the conscent of Lord. life is what the lord gi...

I watch the snooker championship 2006 today. the game lasted for 12:00 hours. I had watched from 4:00pm-1:00am. This is the first time I watch TV so long in UK. It means I am really taking a break. Exam is done. Half of the work is done. Frankly, I think the MSC is just a beginning only. If I want to go further in Finance, I need to work hard for the rest of my life. And no able to hang around at any stage too long. Let me pick up again my determinations, my hardworking, my discipline piece by piece. And reshape myself and move to the next stage. Well, i want to look at more detail about the equity market and what a i-bank does at the moment. Next, look at my dissertation and then prepare it well. I still have the chance to get a distinction!

I have been Paris for 4 days at the beginning of This term break. But, when I come back, I like a flatten ballon. No a little drop of engery to study. I didn't work much this week, too. It's a nightmare! Is it because I am originally a lazy bone? Once I get used to the environment, I loss the momentum immediately. Is it because I am too stressed such that once I have a holiday, I cannot back to mental state for studying? Is it because I found out the tution fee for PhD is too high, I lose a "target"? Who can tell me why? Who can help me out? In the middle of my MSc, I really lose a momentum. Wind up, Wind up, quick. Whatever the reason, one thing is clear! That's the time is keep rolling. No matter whatever reason, my time for study is fixed. When the holiday is finished, I have to take the exam. That's the rule, that's the truth. Even I have 1000 strong reason for not to study, I have no second chance. I cannot foresee that lossing momentum is one of the ...

Welll, well, well, the result is announced. Today. I walk in a fast pace to the programme office to take it during the break of Stochastic Method II this afternoon..... Assest Pricing : 73 Econ & Stat. : 66 Ok?! the bottom line for applying Phd is 65. The min. average for Distinction is 70. I talked with 2 people. All of them is got the result around 70-75. I heard that a superman got 90 in Econ. & stat. Also, I guess our class average is 65-70. This mark is, in fact, to my upper estimation. (My calculation is : 0.8 X "sure answer" + 0.3X"unsure answer" :P ) . I am not doing well in the last exam......in A.P. I even make a mistake on my calculator's function of S.D. & Variance such that I forgot to sqrt my answer.... Econ & Stat....i cannot do the basic good-of-fittness test, 1 homework exercise, and 1 exactly the same model pass paper question........ :( So, I should happy to get this mark. Show some improvement! The material this term ...

St. Petersburg Paradox is gone. My exam was a mess. I think I should able to improve simply by drilling a little bit of the exam answering technique. And there are a few algebra I should do it more properly. Anyway, It's over and let's wait for the results. ( I expect the result will around 60-70. Althought I really wish it above 70). I thought a bit about situation. I made remedial action as follows: - quit smoking ( Although I am not heavy smoker ) - play a bit more ( it should help to boost the higher efficient ) In this term, I will focous on the home work & past paper. I think I am too greedy in term 1. And I allowed myself to put something unclear until the holiday( it took me more than 1 week to revisie the lecture notes for only 1 time but not doing much exercises) because I thought I can handle it & self-study it well. I thought a lot of planning in term 1, too. Also, I thought I could learn the subjects in a boarder mean, i.e. out of sllyabus. My efficiency do...

30 Oct, the date to turn clock to winter time in UK. Last night, I was with Mark, my best friend in UK, to turn back the clock together. We know each other whe he was working in CX, as an engineer for 3 months in HK. We didn't meet each other for more than 7 years ( 1998-2005). Such a long time, but we manage to meet each other again. He is a nice man and we treat each other well! That's very nice to have a chance to live in UK people's home. Eating with them, talking with them, etc, etc. Another good things is I fly again! I can't believe that I can fly again! It's the best thing for my life! Keep it up! I have complete the week Zero test with a good result! ( 83%, not the best, but should be top 25%). It's a good evidence to prove I have prepared for the course! Cheers On the other hand, ( Certainly, there are rooms for improvement, right?) there are several things I need to make it clear within the following weeks. - Study vs. Working. Will I have the chance ...

The topics I wish to share is call St. Peterburg's paradox. This is a famous paradox in decision theory which point out that the conflict of probability and expectation. In which an unlimited expectation suggest you that you will able to get unlimited amount of money from this st. peterburg's game. On the other hand, you know the probability of winning money is unjustically low! So, what is a fair price ( enter cost for a people to play this game ) Really $25??? http://plato.stanford.edu/archives/win1999/entries/paradox-stpetersburg/ another link related to St. Peterburg's paradox, also worth to take a look. At least for me, as a student. http://cepa.newschool.edu/het/essays/uncert/choicecont.htm